Kirsten's party...

Kirsten's party was very good. Good for me even though I’m anti-social lol. I haven't been around so many people at once since graduation. Haha. I love Emily Oliver. She is one of my favorite people lol. Lots of laughs last night that were good for the soul. As much as I didn't like Severn there are a few gems in the bunch.... and it's still change albeit a welcomed one. *Shrugs* KT’s party tonight, hopefully more laughs and hugs. Although my crew people give the best hugs and my crew friends are the best at making be feel better the fastest. I still feel awkward around Severn people. *Shrugs*I got up at 7:30am this morning. Eep! I woke up because of nightmares. I can't remember the last good dream I had. I always have these crazy detailed nightmares where people get murdered. And it's so strange because I can still clearly see their faces... it's all so real. And it makes me wonder if I'm watching something in real life in my dreams... if I’m watching all these people die for real. It’s just so weird. Meg asked me the other day about dreams and I still can't remember the last good dream I had. I'm always running, always getting shot, dying, being shot at, watching someone die, watching crimes/murders, or simply being terrified in my dream... it's yucky.I've also been stuttering ALOT recently. Le sigh. And I mean a lot a lot. So much it's getting on my nerves. And I want to whisper to that little girl inside me... 'Shhh it's okay. You’ll be fine. You are loved. Do not fear, love. Be brave. Take deep breaths. I love you.' but still I stutter on.... I feel more self-conscious. I'm back to the old habit of avoiding words and avoiding things. Meep. Pray for me. Stupid subconscious.