you know ...

you know today's going to be a rough day when you wake up sad and still upset. you know you've had a rough few days when you wake up with a headache from crying so hard and you wake up angry. le sigh. i need to stop this. It's becuase of people like Matt and Kate that I pull deeper into myself.... becuase it hurts so fucking much. but I have other people, better friends and they're going to help me through. no more of this nonsense. I want that feeling that I had yesterday back.... it was just like the day after Matt and I had our first break.... I felt like I could take on the world. I felt free. I didn't need anyone. I ws independant and myself. Today, last night, it's kind of hit me. But I keep telling myself that it's okay, everything will be okay. It's so hard to trust people when they've done nothing but disappoint you. I'm glad to be leaving.... I"m just afraid I'm looking for this leave to fix alot of different things; emotionally, spiritually, socially, physically even. and I feel like I might be getting my hopes up. anyways enough of this. I've only been up for 15 minutes and look at all these worries I already have. le sigh. keep me in your prayers.