things are okay. ...

things are okay. i really really need to write, but haven't yet found the time. i need my own journal time with a purple pen and paper. to sort this all out. i don't know much, but I know that I have good friends. and through this mess they've just right in and held my hands. they are being brave which helps me be brave.i was up till 3 am last night. freaking out about stupid stuff. but it doesn't matter. le sigh. i just have to keep telling myself that.i've been listening to Yellowcard and Fall Out Boy all day and night recently. so all these random (and good) lines from their songs keep playing in my head. "i only want sympathy in the form of you crawling in to bed with me," "so many nights, legs tangled tight," "why don't you show me that little bit of spine you've been saving for his mattress, love," "think about the love inside the strength of heart," "you're the only place that feels like home," "i'll be your best kept secret and your biggest mistake," "sew this up with threads of reason and regret," "close up these eyes, try not to cry," "So wear me like a locket around your throat. I'll weigh you down. I'll watch you choke. You look so good in blue.You look so good in blue." "take our tears, put them on ice," and the poets are just kids who didn't make it," "the record won't stop skipping, and the lies just won't stop slipping...."i'm trying to focus on the good. after so much shit there has just been an outpouring of goodness around me. of good solid hugs, of the right things said at the right time by the right people, of honest people, of loyal friendships, of love, real love for me of all people! hah! it's kind of scary to realize how much my friends love me and yet so so so good for me right now. so thank you. and if i don't tell you enough, thank you, thank you, thank you for loving me. i need it more than ever. and i'll do my best to love back :)